Remember when we were little kids and you would lay awake at night waiting to slip out of bed? Maybe it was to peak on Santa Claus or to spy on the big kids. Sometimes I get like that to write my blog posts. As soon as I feel the all clear I make a plunge for my laptop. Especially tonight. Here’s why.
Honestly my mind has been in a funk. I can feel myself mourning the off-season plans once again. Surgery once seems hard but surgery twice seems… foolish? When I recounted the news to my sister she asked, “Do you think maybe Brian’s body is telling him enough is enough? Is it worth it?” I haven’t been able to shake her comment until now. Not because it was offensive, because until now I honestly I didn’t know. I heard the truth in her question and it scared me. Maybe 2 surgeries are too much? Another year of not playing? What if he doesn’t come back? My sister is someone I can trust and she’s an outsider looking in.
Since the news of surgery my prayer has been, “Lord, if this dream isn’t in your will for our lives please close the door.” Faithful as He is He gave me this verse this morning, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.” Proverbs 13:12. Does this mean Brian will pitch 10 years in the Big Leagues? No. It means losing hope will make my heart sick. And God wants to fulfill our dreams. He isn’t a God of empty promises or dangling carrots. Right now that’s a promise I will hold on to: hope in a God of fulfilling dreams.
A few years ago, my first response to reading this verse would be a text to my sister to justify our decision for surgery #2. I can only image pleading my case, “Taylor God gave me confirmation, here are points A, B, and C.”
But not this time. I’m going to tuck this verse in my journal and revisit it a few weeks and months from now. Because this time around I know what rehab entails and I’m not scared. What a blessing! God will redeem all of those days of frustration, tears, and anxiety if Brian will make a come back. I get to walk in hope and faith that God wants to nurture this dream in our heart.
For me, the moment of doubt comes when people ask me to explain my decision. We all have our triggers. So I want to challenge you next time you get stuck ask yourself these questions: Are you intimately seeking God and bringing Him glory? Is this what’s best for my faith, family, and future?
As long as we can answer those questions I believe we’re right where God wants us. So press on!