Summer Search

Article 2: Bold

This summer I am on a search for me. Join me and discover the ways you are unique!

I have two states: all, or nothing. That includes my appearance. Somedays I can’t remember the last time I washed my hair and other days I wear a perfectly put together face and outfit. (The latter is rare, but hey, it happens occasionally).

Remember my last post about Alex? Aside from being fiercely genuine, she also happens to be a makeup guru. A few months ago, we got ready together and headed for a baseball game. Walking up the stadium stairs can feel a little awkward. I felt uncomfortably put together when I saw my friend comfortably casual in converse and a t-shirt.

Candy K.

Before I could sit down and crack open my water bottle my friend goes, “Meg, I love your lip color. What are you wearing?!”

Excited to share my new lip obsession I confidently told her, “It’s actually a Kyle Lip Kit!! I love the color and it stays on all night. This one is Candy K.

Her joking reaction blindsided me, “A Kyle Jenner Lip Kit?! Oh gosh. I just lost so much respect for you.” Her statement felt like an invitation for our small group of friends to weigh in and I felt uncomfortable.

The tone of her response was humorous but my insecurities were on high alert, being the over dressed girl at the ball park. My mind spiraled:

“Is the lip color too much? Should I explain I don’t approve of the Kardashian’s? I didn’t even buy it. Do I tell her I got it for free?  It’s not mine. Should I take it off? I wish I wore converse. I thought she said she liked it? I’m not the kind of girl that can pull off this look.”

Crazy? Maybe. Honest? Yep.

It’s not about the lip kit. Or the Kardashians. It’s about my need to explain, apologize, or defend why I chose to dress up. Why did I want to leave right when she called me out? Why did I immediately regret getting all dolled up? I wanted to dumb down my look to make her feel better and end the conversation.

Then I remembered, confidence is only built overtime. Betraying myself now feeds the insecurity. Own it. I can still love Jesus and my lip kit. We tend to dim our light so people don’t feel small. When will we learn we cannot control people’s feelings? We can only inspire them.

So I responded, “I was surprised by how much I love the lip color, too. It’s my new go-to.” 

And I let it go. 

I am not, and never was, mad at my friend for what she said. Was I vulnerable to the small crowd of girls in t-shirts who could judge my appearance? Yes, but I didn’t spend the night wondering what they thought of me or why I decided to dressed up.

Quiet the voices in your head that tell you to apologize for who you are. Acceptance replaces shame with freedom. These forks in the road of our identity may seem small but they’re the building blocks of our confidence! Welcome yourself with open arms as the opportunities arise.

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