I’ve taken a breath from blogging because I didn’t want to use the Internet to process fresh feelings. A few Mondays ago I walked the North Port track until I was done crying and honestly it took a few miles. Brian mailed his MRI to get a second opinion and it got lost in the mail. The excuse sounded like a “dog-ate-my-homework” white lie. After 6 weeks of waiting for answers I was exhausted. This injury has been full of waiting & unknown. Waiting and unknown do not mesh well with impatient me. By Wednesday the MRI was found, surgery was successful, and we found out we would be living in Port Charlotte, FL to rehab through the off-season.
I may be alone in this but I catch myself getting through today by dreaming about tomorrow. When the season seemed unbearable the thought of off-season made it worth-it. Now that security was gone. The off-season I thought best for me and Brian is not what God has in store. I realized that when the surgeon called me back to explain the results of the surgery and inform me Brian would be rehabbing for 9-12 months in Port Charlotte, FL.
Walking around Nordstrom by myself waiting to meet my sisters at Nordstrom café was so normal, so off-season, and I scurried to the coffee shop to cry. I needed to feel the weight of my heartache. I am heart-broken for my husband. It’s going to take determination and endurance to come back from this injury. I am devastated I won’t spend my weekends with my sisters and girlfriends. Europe felt so real! We had flights booked to Maine. I am upset and I needed to mourn a hope that won’t be realized right now. One of the first things Brian said to me when he got out of surgery was, “Meg, we had an awesome off season planned and now none of that is happening.” I swallowed some tears to comfort him and told him it would be okay. He perked up and said, “No Meg, I can’t wait to see what God does. His plans are always better… can you imagine how great this will be if it’s better than our plan!?”
When Brian said that I lied and said I agreed. After a week of rest, encouragement, and reflection I can finally agree. I read this quote post breakdown and I don’t think it was a coincidence, “We must be willing to give up the life we’ve planned, so we can live the life that’s waiting for us.” Joseph Campbell