These are the good ol’days. Most of the marriage advice we get is from people who have been married much longer than us and they all say the same thing: enjoy these moments!
Us newly marrieds are figuring it all out as we go. So we often look to the people around us to compare our marriages. It is so easy to question the “success” of your life based on your news feed. Insert your own tendencies here but for me, right now, it’s houses and babies.
You can’t get married at 20 without any critics. Heck, when I look back now I gasp at how crazy it sounds! But 20 year old me saw it as an opportunity to prove that no, I was in fact,ready to be married. [Maybe I’m alone in this but people… you know the feeling. If you ever want to see me do something tell me I can’t… even better… I shouldn’t. I’m working on it.] So ironic that I wanted to prove I was mature enough to handle the commitment.
The moment we said “I do” the narrative became, “enjoy these days.” Here I was, spending the last 6 months trying to prove I was worthy to be a Mrs. but now I’m supposed to slow down and enjoy these moments?
And I’m done. Newly married wives, almost, or not even thinking about out marriage people—let’s start acting our age. The holidays mean old people… old as in anyone older than you. In my house those old[er] people captivate us youngins with their stories. This year I sat back and listened. The stories they choose to retell are all about living the paycheck-to-paycheck life in a 1-bedroom apartment. Those are the memories they love to relive.
So if everyone’s advice is “enjoy these days” as they reminisce on the scraping by and making it work lifestyle we’re right where we should be. My parent’s dinner table stories would be so boring if all they faked like they had it all together. We’re hard on ourselves, caught up in comparison, and we easily lose sight of the struggle. My parents’ first house wasn’t a beachfront dream-house, it was a 1 bedroom apartment.
When in doubt, choose grace. If you’re faking it till you make it, join the club. We get married young so we can grow up together. We got our first credit card, bought our first car, and learned to pay bills together. We’ve also forgotten to pay Comcast and been charged, missed deadlines, and eaten eggs for dinner the night before we get paid.
Instead of hurrying to where we should be, let’s slow down and breathe in where we are. Here and now is a small window. No kids, responsibilities, or mortgage. I look forward to the day where we have a home base with kids to fill it but for now let’s cherish today. This isn’t a YOLO post or a hall pass for being reckless. It’s an invitation to take it one day at a time.
By the way, we’re so passionate about this topic we started a Podcast. It’s called Hello Jelly. Here’s a link to Episode 1: The Farmer’s Market Effect.
Soon you’ll be able to subscribe through the iTunes Podcast App! But we’re too excited not to share.