It all started about 4 years ago. I was spiraling out of control chasing anything that would fill me up. I tried friends, boys, and substances. Nothing could satisfy my soul. At first I could keep up the facade but it became a heavy burden to bear. I was one way in front of my family and church and another away at college. When I came home for spring break the two worlds collided and I hit my rock bottom.
I wanted to make a change but I didn’t know where to start. I wanted to step out in a bold declaration of faith but I didn’t want to be a hypocrite. I wanted to mean it, live it, and I wanted the change to last. I didn’t need a quick fix I needed a renovation. That’s when I met Becky. She handed me a Change Your Life Daily Bible and The Burning Heart Contract and said start on the day’s date. Write down your thoughts and prayers. Take time to get to know God.
See I know myself. I knew I couldn’t live for a God I didn’t love. I wouldn’t trust a God I didn’t know. And I couldn’t know a God I never spent time with. So that’s what we’ve been doing, me and God, since the day I decided to surrender to His pursuit of my heart.
Getting to know God has given me the boldness to trust His plan, the peace to patiently wait, and the freedom & joy I need to love the people around me. It’s been filled with curve balls (I’ll get to that later 😉 ) and U-Turns but the more time I spend getting to know the character of God the easier it is to let go of my plans and trust in His. Like any relationship it has grown in time.
So I found myself in Nashville, TN the fall of 2013 where I transferred to Belmont University. I have one of those big sisters who loves to take care of me and tell me she’s right so she insisted I meet this guy, Brian, because she claimed he was my husband. She was right, like most big sisters tend to be, and we got married in December of 2014. Yep… no typo here… a year-ish after we met! You could say love-at-first-sight. The proposal says it all. He was drafted in 2014 by the Tampa Bay Rays. As soon as I graduated from Belmont University I joined him on the road of minor league baseball.
I wish I could say the chase to fill my emptiness ended there but it didn’t. Faith is a journey. Relationships are really hard. And there is nothing glamorous about the life that is professional baseball. My circumstances have gotten harder and are always changing but the stronger I get in my faith the less that matters.
Brian is my inspiration, role-model, best friend, and the most incredible man I’ve met. I have never met someone with faith & integrity like his. I will never deserve his love. He holds baseball with an open hand and his constant prayer is for people to come to know the Gospel. So right now that means baseball but, like I’ve mentioned, we are on a journey of trust & faith through tons of unknown. You’ll hear me talk about him alot. Oh and my Bernese Mountain Dog, Franklin.
I’ve narrowed my posts into three categories but they could all be included in faith. I cannot separate relationships or baseball from my faith in Christ. My goal is to introduce you to the God I love. I want you to let Him show you who He is to you. If you don’t know what I mean just pick up a Bible and go to Colossians. Psalm 139. Matthew 11:30 in the Message. The God I love and know is my confidant, my Friend, Father, Teacher, Counselor, and resting place.
One of my biggest hesitations to religion was that it seemed full of hypocrites who pretended to follow a lot of rules. That all changed for me when I understood that all of my lashing out and “breaking rules” was only because I wanted to know I was loved. The more clearly I understand who Jesus is and the way He sees me I have no desire to look anywhere but to Him for fulfillment.
If your reading this my prayer is that you would understand it’s for a reason. That there is a God who created you to be in relationship with Him. A God who knows where you’ve been, what you’ve done, what you will do and loves you anyway. A God who wants to trade your anxieties for His peace, trade your planning for His surprises, and replace your brokenness with joy. We are in this together.