Faith Relationships

If You’re Not First You’re First

I’m not a big snuggler. Snuggling usually places me on the couch. And from the couch I can see the dishwasher that needs to be unloaded and laundry to be folded. Getting untangled from Brian’s long arms can take minutes and I prefer a more fast pace.

I am laying my stake in the ground and raising a white flag to rushing. 2016 was full of hustle, multi-tasking, and contingency plans. Who’s with me? Rushing breeds impatience and an impatient mind struggles to see wisdom. This year I have visions and dreams but only one word: slow.

One of my most treasured Christmas presents was the iPhone 7 Plus. I’m obsessed. The camera quality is so crisp and I can do most of my creative projects from my phone. I walked into the Apple Store about a week before Christmas with my mom who told me she would buy it. I was really surprised. The kind of surprised that makes you feel like you need to act of the random act of generosity. (Like when your Dad is in a good mood at the mall so you have to take advantage of the moment and distract him of any nuisance so he’ll stay in that good mood).

After browsing the phones I decided I wanted the gold. Major hiccup in the siege: the gold was out of stock. All of the sudden my gift felt at stake and I was going to do whatever it took to walk out with my phone. Next I’m searching a 30 mile radius for the phone and I catch myself contemplating driving an hour to get it. Until I saw what was really going on: I am so impatient. Instant gratification is second nature. I can count on 2 hands the amount of times I’ve had to wait for something I really really wanted. We believe a lie that says “not yet” means “not ever” and we get greedy and anxious.

On the other hand, there are countless times I have  made a decision out of haste, lust, or impatience. Every time a decision is made out of selfish impulse something is sacrificed. We sacrifice what we hope for ourselves, quality, or integrity. Rushing is doubting in disguise. When I rush, hustle, over-work myself I’m taking my value into my own hands. I am doubting God’s promises over my life and throwing a fit that I don’t see the fruit of the promise now.

And I am so done being the spoiled brat who gets whatever she wants. I don’t want to count down the days until we move up and out of here. Let’s not be the disgruntled wife who can’t be happy without a home base. Or the jealous sister who didn’t get the new car. The discontent friend in the group who doesn’t have what they have The last man standing at a low level team while his peers are where he should be.

Let’s make 2017 slower. I’m going to stretch after I exercise. Walk when I don’t have to drive. I will know all of my neighbor’s names and invest in my coworkers. Too often I squeeze my exercise, dog walk, grocery run, and a phone call in on my lunch break. The things I want to do to feel whole lose their value because they’re so crammed into my day I can’t enjoy them. I’ll snuggle while my phone spends it’s nights in the kitchen. I’m creating margin for creativity and spontaneity. Let’s make 2017 memorable.

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